Hi and good evening, Jacqui here. It came to mind to write this article, simply because I deal with so many singles over 50, and also the first concept we have to deal with before any dating commences.
We are now heading into the long winter evenings, Halloween and then swiftly into the Christmas Season. To many people, this means cosy evenings, leafy walks and the warmth of spending Christmas celebrations together. For numerous single people in their 50s, 60s and 70s, living alone causes more profound loneliness. Roughly 1.4 million people over 50 in the UK are often lonely! Even with friends and family, being in a room full of couples can often result in a burning sense of loneliness.
Many people confide in me about how they have become very good at being unattached. They love their house, work (retirement), and family and are grateful for good health. But they sometimes ache for a partner to check in with, chat with, cuddle up on the sofa with, travel with and be intimate with!
It seems that finding someone with whom you're compatible can be more difficult as we get older and become more "picky," less willing—or less able—to bend ourselves to fit with someone else. Our schedules, habits, likes and dislikes have all been set for so long. "If you meet in your 20s or 30s, you mould and form together. At this age, there's so much life stuff that's happened, good and bad. It's hard to blend with someone.
We need not set too many conditions on a new relationship and be open-minded about what we might consider the "ideal man/woman" or perfect relationship.
We live in such a visual world that we get caught up in how people look! I see this all the time and in the past, I must confess, I have been guilty of the same crime!
The most often statement I have heard and continue to hear is "there must be immediate attraction" or "spark"! We have these criteria engrained in our brains and mainly through the use of online dating. Many of us have had the experience of becoming more attracted to someone as we get to know them more and better.
You're not shallow for wanting to be with someone attractive, but if you're going to meet someone for a long-term relationship, go for a deeper connection and get to know someone even if you don't find them physically attractive.
A good start is by having shared interests - things you both enjoy doing and talking about. Shared values - crucial to the survival of a relationship. New interests - common interests are a good starting point to a relationship, but discovering new interests together can grow the relationship and introduce you to a whole new life!
If you like someone on the first date but don't feel "the spark" then go on another date and another date - you may be surprised to find yourself becoming increasingly attractive to them through their personality.
Not everyone is conventionally attractive.
ADVICE: The next time you look at someone's profile, firstly, don't focus on their picture but read their written script. If you find that they sound interesting, have similar commonalities, you relate to their values and beliefs - then stop and THINK before you disregard them!