For many older singles, it’s important to take a step back before diving into dating after a long-term relationship. Rather than rushing in, it's essential to reexamine the romantic notions we grew up with and consider what type of love you’re seeking now.
As a dating mentor, I work with my clients to help them understand these shifts, guiding them to recognise how their life experiences shape their current relationship expectations. Together, we work to remove any unrealistic ideals that may have carried over from the past and focus on what real, fulfilling love looks like at this stage in life.
It’s about embracing the life you’ve built and finding someone who complements it, not completes it. Here’s a guide to help you determine if what you’re experiencing is truly love in your 50s and beyond.
Let's Break Down Common Myths About Love
1. "They’re always on your mind."
In your 50s, life is filled with rich experiences and responsibilities. If someone occupies your thoughts constantly, it might be infatuation rather than love. Real love integrates smoothly into your life, allowing you to stay focused on what’s important without feeling overwhelmed.
2. "You can’t get enough of them."
It’s natural to enjoy spending time with someone you love, but constant togetherness can be stifling. In later life, love respects the need for personal space and encourages individual growth. I often work with clients to help them recognise the importance of maintaining their own identity while in a relationship.
3. "They complete you."
By now, you've likely built a fulfilling life on your own. True love isn’t about finding someone to complete you but rather someone who complements the life you’ve created. This is a key point I emphasise with my clients — the goal is to find a partner who enhances your life, not fills a void.
4. "You see them in your future."
Visualising a shared future is important, but it’s essential to base it on realistic goals and values. Love in your 50s, 60s and 70s plus is about building a future together that is rooted in mutual understanding and shared aspirations. I help my clients set realistic expectations and ensure their visions for the future are aligned with their partner's.
5. "You always want to be together."
While wanting to spend time together is positive, real love also allows for independence. In a healthy relationship, both partners should feel comfortable spending time apart, knowing it doesn’t weaken their connection. I also reassure my clients that real love doesn’t have to mean living together right away — or at all. Many of my clients find that remaining in their own homes, at least in the early stages, helps them feel more relaxed and secure. Over time, as the bond deepens, some naturally choose to move in together, but it’s important to remove the urgency from this decision.
6. "You’ll do anything to keep them happy." (This is the biggest one!)
Love isn’t about sacrificing your own happiness to satisfy someone else. It’s about mutual respect and support, where both partners work to enhance each other’s lives without losing themselves in the process. I guide clients in finding a balance between giving and maintaining their own well-being.
7. "You’re scared of losing them."
Fear can often be mistaken for love, but it’s not the same thing. Real love is built on trust, security, and the knowledge that you’re both committed to making the relationship work. Overcoming these fears is a common topic in my coaching sessions, where we focus on building trust and confidence in relationships.
Signs of Real Love in Your 50s
You Choose to Love Every Day.
Love in your 50s and beyond is a conscious choice. It’s about consistently showing up for your partner and choosing to love them, even on the tough days.
You Encourage Each Other’s Growth.
A loving relationship supports the growth of both individuals. You inspire each other to pursue passions and continue personal development, knowing that this only strengthens your bond.
You Handle Conflict with Maturity.
Every relationship has its disagreements, but real love means working through conflicts constructively. It’s not about winning or losing, but about understanding each other and finding common ground.
You’re Comfortable in Silence.
Sometimes, the deepest connection is found in quiet moments. Being able to sit in silence together, feeling at ease, is a strong indicator of true love.
You Value Each Other’s Independence.
In your 50s and beyond, love is about partnership, not dependence. You both value and support each other’s independence, knowing that it contributes to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Conclusion
Determining real love in your 50s and beyond isn’t about following clichés or societal expectations. It’s about building a relationship based on mutual respect, shared values, and a commitment to supporting each other through all of life’s changes. As I often remind my clients, the key is to find a relationship that enhances your life and complements the person you’ve become.
Real love is about choosing to build something meaningful together, every single day.
I hope you enjoyed this article.
Take good care.
Jacqui Baker
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